It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

As the song goes, (in my best Bing Crosby voice) “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go.”  That includes the airport.  Poinsettias, Christmas Trees, hanging lights and fake presents are all around your local terminal this time of year.  Don’t be tempted and believing that the Christmas Spirit has been passed along to Airline workers either. 
Another sure way you can tell it’s the holiday season is the number of people running late to catch a plane to MiMa’s house.  Have you ever seen the movie Home Alone?  The McCallister's rush like crazy to the airport, run like hell through Chicago O’Hare to the gate, make it just in time to get on the plane and then take a deep sigh of relief.  That happens a lot this time of year.  I don’t know how many of these people are leaving a kid at home but the frequency of people getting to the gate just in time is much higher.   I have witnessed this 4 times in the last week alone.  I would have been the recipient of a Stand-By ticket had these people not shown up.  Instead, their tardiness gave me false hope that I might make it to my destination sooner. 

The airports are busy and full with lots of holiday travelers.  These travelers don’t hang the stockings by the chimney with care but they do place wrapped presents in overhead bends very gently, trying hard not to rip the pretty paper.  They must think that rule of 1 Carry-On and 1 Personal item doesn’t apply this time of year or they are exempt because they are doing Santa’s work.  I watched a woman argue with a gate agent the other night about this very topic.  With some of the words she choose to use, I think she qualifies for Santa’s naughty list.  As usual, the gate agent won and the passenger uttered those famous words, “I will never fly this airline again!” 

This time of year also brings a higher frequency of unpredictable weather and delays.  The DE-ICING of the Plane is one of the most tedious necessary evils ever.  This process can take over an hour depending on your location.  Small regional airports generally don’t have lots of trucks so if you are the third plane in line for De-icing, go ahead and start writing a book on your experience of being held captive on a plane.  By the time the de-icing is done, you should have the first draft of your manuscript completed.  Additionally, if you are flying out of a larger Hub, the de-icing process causes congestion on the run way, thus lots of time sitting on the tarmac.  Watching people get antsy, take big sighs and ask questions aloud to anyone who will listen is entertaining.  “Why are we not moving?”  “What is going on up there?”  “What is taking so long?”  I will admit that sometimes, the Captain of the Plane could make an announcement to inform people of what’s happening but his job is to fly the plane, not serve as our play by play commentator.  SAFETY FIRST!

So, if you are traveling this holiday season, travel safe.  I would suggest shipping your presents ahead of time; it will save you lots of hassle.  Be patient and understand that the airlines and Air Traffic Control cannot control the weather.  And try to get the airport on time.  You don’t want to play the Stand By game and make Mi-Ma wait at the airport any longer than she needs to.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Griswold Family Vacation

 Last week, I was the rear end of my own joke.  I was what I would normally cringe at when I walked into an airport.  I was on a family on vacation. 

My parents are getting ready to celebrate their 40^th wedding anniversary.  So my sister and I, along with our spouses, decided it would be nice to take the folks on a family vacation.  Take them some place they have never been for a once in a lifetime trip.  We took them to the Hawaiian Island of Kauai.  My sister, her husband and 3 children make 5.  My wife, daughter and myself make 3 and our parents are 2 more.  We were a group of 10 making our way through airports and across the country.  Because my sister is the ultimate procrastinator, she booked separate flights, thus taking a different route.  Nonetheless, this was a family vacation even Clark W Griswold would be proud of.  Between the luggage, excessive in the case of my wife, a stroller, carry-ons and anything else we can find, were a sight to see.   I am not sure who our cousin Eddie was but there was several people deserving of a nomination.

On this trip, I was forced to break every travel habit I have.   Checking luggage, which means waiting for luggage once we arrived.  No express lane at security.  Nope, head straight for the family lane.  Nothing halts progress with TSA like a stroller with cow manure on it.  I guess we should have washed it after visiting the state fair.  I often frequent the same airports; therefore I have my favorite places to grab something to eat.  Not this trip as I have 9 other people to please.   Boarding the plane is now a process.  Even though all our seats are together, this still becomes a long, unnecessarily drawn out process, thus holding everyone else up from finding their seat.  I became what annoys me deeply. My ability to live in a shell on a plane was gone.  When you look like a traveling circus family, everyone wants to talk to you.  They want to know where you are going, what ‘s the occasion, how long are you staying.  I can’t plug in my earphones and be my typical self and make this go away.  Oh no, someone from the herd had to break the silence, thus creating a conversation I typically dredge.  Of course, you are forced into similar conversations on your way back.  YEAH, there was something for me to look forward to.  (note the sarcasm) 

10 hours of flying is long for anyone, especially for my little girl who will be 3 in December.  My IPAD was consumed with kids app’s and many episodes of her favorite TV show’s.   She did squeeze in nap somewhere in between.  My wife on the other hand thinks she has an illness.  She thinks she gets motion sickness when she is forced to fly coach.  Since our little girl now requires her own seat, first class is no longer an option.  Buy 2 first class seats maybe, but never 3.  So she had to tough it out.  I was not opposed to drugging her, my wife that it is for my own sanity.  My sister, because of her procrastination, had 2 tight connections.  She and her family had to look like the McCallisters from Home Alone as they ran through ORD and LAX.  

They did manage to make all 4 connections, which were each less than 60 minutes.  To bad for them, the Captain for one of their flights didn’t make it causing them to miss a connection in ORD on their way home.  Luckily for them, they were able to get on the next flight to IND, 5 hours later.

On our version of the Griswold Family Vacation, it took everything I had to keep my sanity in check, much like Clark. There were a handful things that did get on my nerves and annoy me.  People walking slow and my own family riding the moving sidewalks.  I bit my tongue and pressed forward.  We are family, together on vacation and they tell me nothing could be better.  We survived and all made it home safely.  We are still talking to each other, which is a plus.  Most importantly, our parents had the time of their lives.

Next spring, I will report on Griswold Vacation Family #2, which is a RV Trip across the country with wife’s family.  Again, YEAH, something to look forward to!!!

Its time to get off the plane

I have often said I believe people should be required to take a test before flying.  There are some simple rules that if followed, would increase traveling efficiencies.  One of those rules is boarding and de-boarding a plane.  It is amazing to see people struggle with something so simple but I see it time and time again. 

I ate lunch with a colleague last week.  Let’s refer to him as the NUT.  NUT is a pretty loyal reader to this blog and asked why I haven’t posted for a while.  I did not have a good reason.  NUT was telling me about a recent flight he had.  He was sitting in row 17.  During the de-boarding process, NUT became annoyed.  He said the people in row 16 sat in their seats.  When it came time for them to de-board, it was then they decided to stand up and get their things out of the over head bin.  This wouldn’t have been an issue had they gotten their things quickly.  Instead, it took them several minutes to collect their belongings.  NUT’s complaint was they had 15 rows of people to stand up and begin collecting their things.  It wasn’t until the last minute that they decide to get up and collect their belongings and delay the de-boarding process for the rest of the passengers. 

I have experienced NUT’s frustration with this process myself.  The de-boarding process can feel like an eternity when you are at the back of the plane, especially if you have a tight connection.  Even without a tight connection, I want to get off the plane as quickly as possible.  And waiting on people who make a simple process complicated is annoying.

I realize a portion of the travelers on the plane who are on vacation and they are in no hurry.  I don’t blame them.  I am usually not in a hurry when I travel either.  Nonetheless, being in a cramped space with a group of complete strangers is not where I look to spend my free time so I do try to move as quickly as possible.

Be respectful of your fellow passengers and try to be efficient when boarding and de-boarding the plane.  We are all going or coming from somewhere and we will all get to our destinations eventually.  Being efficient can and should be a part of the process.

I like to read and there is no better way to pass the time on a plane than reading a good book.  Last Christmas, my family bought me an IPAD and one of the first things I downloaded was the Kindle App.  Since then, I carry the IPAD on all flights and usually have at least one book I am reading on there.  There is a book I have been reading with a Men’s group I am part of that isn’t available on Kindle.  So I have been carrying around a paperback for a few weeks.  Before I continue on, I have to preface this by saying I have a bad on habit on planes.  Yes, I know, its hard to believe but I do.  My bad habit, I stick things in the seat back pocket in front of me.  I always stick a newspaper in there, the IPAD, my cell phone and whatever else might be in my hand that I might want to access during the flight.  My wife has ridiculed me for years for doing this.  She tells me that pocket is not for my personal items and I am bound to forget something.  Plus, think of the germs.   Well, last night it happened.  That paperback I have been carrying for 2 weeks is LONG GONE.  In the words of my loving supporting wife, “You fool!  It was bound to happen!”  Thank you dear for the support. 

There have been countless times I have found stuff in those pockets and I think, “What kind of person leaves stuff in here?”  Now I know what kind of person, me.  I haven’t felt so irresponsible for some time.  How could I do this?  I think about all the flights I have been on over the last few years and I have never left anything on a plane before.  I suppose it is a blessing that is was a $20 book and not something more valuable to teach me this lesson but still, I feel silly.

This flight had distraction written all over it.  A delay because of weather before takeoff, a delay once I landed because another plane was at our gate and I had a short connection that was getting shorter.  I started reading once we finally took off.  I had a bit of headache so I put the book in the pocket and closed my eyes in attempt to relax.  When I my headache passed, I took in the view of NYC while landing at Newark airport.  I did not put other things in the pocket.  This time, I only put the book.  This was part of the problem.  By only the putting the book, it was more easy to forget and I was distracted by the other things going on.  I realized it as soon as I got on the next plane and reached into my back pack looking for it.  My initial thought to myself was, OH POOH!  Have I done the unthinkable?  I could already hear my wife in my head.  I won't live this one down for a while.

Here is my advice travelers, or should I say my wife’s advice, do not put things in the pocket in front of you.  Its that simple.  The chances of finding a forgotten item on a plane are slim to none.  There is the occasional success story but they are rare. 

Travel safe!

Carry ON

I know I have ranted about this before but because of this mornings experience, I feel it's worth mentioning again because people are not getting the hints.  You can only bring 2 things on the plane!  Ladies and some Guys, your purse is considered 1 of those 2 items, no matter how big or small.  Therefore, you can not bring your computer bag and roller bag with your purse.  I watched a woman argue with the flight attendant for more than 10 minutes this morning on this topic causing the plane to leave late.

Speaking of carry on's, folks, don't try to roll your bag down the aisle of the plane.  Pick it up and carry it.  The room for error is very small and the likelihood of you whacking someone in the knee is very high.  Plus, you look really silly when your bag catches the arm rest and throws you backwards.

Regional Jets are the new normal in flying.  Airlines are using them more and more because of efficiency and to limit supply of seats.  Therefore, your carry on that could easily hold a baby elephant will not fit in the overhead.  Check it and save yourself the embarrassment.



It's getting cold out which means everyone will be wearing coats again when traveling.  DO NOT PUT YOUR COAT IN THE OVERHEAD.  They take up to much space.  Hold it, put in the seat in front of you or here is a concept, leave it on.  It's kind of like my shoe argument, if it's that uncomfortable, don't wear it.

On a separate note, don't drink heavily in airport bars or take lots of medication before flying.  It doesn't end well for anyone.  I sat beside this lady on a recent flight. 

She was out cold for the majority of the  2+ hour flight and when she was awake, she was incoherent and made a fool of herself on more than one occasion.  She could hardly stand, speak and her bowel movements were out of control.  This was to the displeasure of myself and the people sitting beside us.  Take care of yourself before and during flights.

More to come soon!

Good Morning!

I apologize for my tardiness in post recently.  I have been traveling a lot lately and have lots to share.  I just haven’t had time to get it all captured. 

I am a morning person.  I like to get up early and get things done.  I am not sure why.  My wife likes to get up early as well.  Because of this, our 2 year old is a very early riser, which we prefer.

I love to see people who are not morning people on really early flights.  Words cannot describe these people, but I will try.  Some are still in their PJ's.  I for one find that completely inappropriate and unacceptable.  You were too tired to even put on clothes this morning?  Do you really expect me to believe you couldn't get up 3 minutes earlier and put on something other than a faded Van Halen tee shirt from 1986 and flannel pants?  I am assuming you slept in those clothes and if you didn't, you should tell people you did because they look that bad.

I love those non morning people who wake up late, rush like crazy to airport, beg the ticket counter to let them check in and then curse the gate agent because the plane left on time.  "How dare you leave on time?  It's your fault I'm going to miss my connection!  Ugh!  I'm never going to fly your airline again!”

In the small sample study of non scientific research I have done, I have found non morning people are usually tardy people by nature.  Maybe it's just people I know.  My theory is since it takes them a while to get going in the morning, they are usually late to their first appointment, thus late for everything the rest of the day.  They then go to bed late because they have been playing catch up all day, thus returns another slow morning the next day.  It's a viscous cycle. 

If you are not a morning person, don't book an early morning flight.  Leave the day before.  You and your fellow passengers will thank me for it.

Conversation Stereotyping

IND to DSM via ORD

DSM to IND via ORD

Stereotyping is bad.  Make no mistake about it.  When you stereotype, you judge someone and judging people is bad.  You form an opinion of someone based on how they look, the way the dress, what they are doing and many other things.  After you form this opinion, you put these people into mental boxes.   And they will never get out of his box because you likely will never talk to them to learn the truth.

When you spend as much time in an airport as I do, you see lots and lots of strangers.  Thousands of people I will never talk to or likely see again.  When I am walking on the moving sidewalks, I don't take the time to form an opinion.  I am to focused on getting to my gate.  I do form an opinion of the people riding the moving sidewalk but you should read an earlier post to understand that.  But once I arrive at my gate, I sit.  And it is here where I generally form an opinion of thousands of people, unfairly.  I keep these thoughts to myself and occasionally share them with you, my loyal readers.  I will admit that I do stereotype while passing through security but that's not to judge, that's for my own sanity.

When you are in an airport or on a plane, it is next to impossible not to overhear people's conversations.  I don't try to eaves drop but sometimes you hear people.  For instance, there was a woman sitting behind me yesterday from IND to ORD.  She turns to her colleague and says, "the last time I was in Chicago, I went the the Jerry Springer show".  When I was in college, I watched the Jerry Springer show a time or two.  I have a pretty good idea of the type of people who go watch Jerry Springer.  When I hear this woman say this, how do I not put her into that category of people that I am envisioning in my head?  I have no idea what she looks like, right or wrong, I have developed a mental picture.  As soon as we arrive and everyone stands, a quick glimpse back by me and yep, she was exactly who I thought she'd be.

The next time you are travel, think about what you wear, think about how you behave and think about what you say.  People will always judge you.  Just limit the material you give them to work with.